One day everything is good and happy, and the next you are falling into oblivion down an apparently infinite precipice. Sometimes I wonder, what does our ‘morals’ and our self-sacrifice help us then? Should we not just live life like simpletons, just seeking the quick rewards? Are these people not happier? And is that not the point of life – happiness? So why bother with what can arguably be described as pretentious hoo-haa, commonly practised by people with so-called ‘better’ habits? At the end of the day, after you gave everything you had, you can very easily be stepped on by your benefactors.
Should we not just say, to hell with everything, I am living for myself and not for other people? I mean, take the black widow spider. After mating, the male can stay and be eaten by the female, or he can say screw that, and kill the female when she tries to kill him instead. Is the fact not that the universe has dealt the poor male black widow spider a cruel hand, one that he must oppose or else, freaking die? Is it ‘good’ to say ‘but it is for nutrients for the poor baby spiders’? Or should he say ‘Screw that’!
My point is – in a perfect world, communism would work. But it does not work, it is not a perfect world. Under communism, in this corrupt world, the ‘good’ people suffer endlessly, because the opportunistic people step on them. Is it not the same with life in general?
I am bitter because of Lorena just apparently leaving me, after all these years that I have given her everything I had – more than I could afford. And then on one sunny day she is just gone. That is the emotional motivation for this post. But the question is valid, I think: should we trust in people? Should we believe their nice words? Should we, I don’t know… even work overtime without getting paid? Even only sometimes? Should we give even R2 to a beggar on the street? Because like my girlfriend left me, after my years of personal sacrifice for her, of calling her almost every single day at great expense to just say hi, of writing a good morning SMS every morning just to be nice, – the question is will your manager really value your overtime contributions (no offence to my own managers)? If they will, then that is great! Or will the beggar really appreciate the money you give him? Or will he, if given the opportunity, come into your house and kill you and your family while you are sleeping?
In a war situation – when you die, when you f*cking DIE… will your president even care to know your story? Or will you just be dead? ‘Dying for your country’ – is that ‘noble’, or is that just a gigantic waste of a life? Excuse my language, but it helps convey emotion which I feel is necessary.
The real question, I guess, is: should you give people the benefit of the doubt? I think that is the question. I implicitly and gladly gave my girlfriend the benefit of the doubt – I believed her when she spoke to me and when she wrote to me. I told her I would do anything for her, and I would have. With her inexplicably gone, I must wonder: is the lesson I must learn, to NOT practice ‘faith’, any kind of faith including faith in people, any more? Or is that the wrong conclusion? Help me here with your comments please.